Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
