dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
