Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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