just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
