you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
