The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
