I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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