i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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