Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
