I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
