make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
