I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
