my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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