I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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