That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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