I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
