I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
