atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
