How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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