Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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