sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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