I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
