I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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