I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Girls should come with a carfax report
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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