I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
