someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
