My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize