how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
