You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
