I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How does it feel to date your dad?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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