evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize