did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
