She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
