Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
