This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
