I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize