I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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