Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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