I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize