You can't special order awesome
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
