dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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