Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
