Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
