I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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