I faked an abortion last night.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
