I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
