thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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