He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
