he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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