found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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