rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
