please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
