watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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