im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
