Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
