The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Let's get the cat blown out
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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