I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
