Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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