I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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