Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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