We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
