bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
