Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
