Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
