One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
