The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
third nipple confirmed
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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