I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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