What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
