the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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