college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
