We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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