...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
