you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize