Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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