Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
