mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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