I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
