is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
