he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
