dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
