Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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