The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
