Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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