You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just pynch a tree in the face
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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