mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We just shotgunned beers for America
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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