I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
