Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
