My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
